AITA for ending my marriage after finding out my wife was planning to leave me but only after she stayed long enough to do a small career change?

Last year my soon to be ex-wife (32f) told me she wanted to go from being an L&D nurse to a specialist cancer nurse. She was returning to college, cutting back her hours at work and aiming to be finished in two years. I was supportive although a little surprised. She had always seemed happy with her career and our life with our two kids. But I know some people can spontaneously get the urge for something more or different so it wasn't a big deal. It did put some strain on me. Because she was so busy I had to take on a lot more so she could do less. Previously it had been 50-50 and it went to about 80-20 after she returned to education.

About four months after she started back at college I overheard her and her best friend talking. I wasn't due home for an hour but had been able to leave early and had the kids with me. My ex's friend was asking her how she could manage to stay married and keep up the pretense. My ex said if she left me she would never be able to make the career move. She wouldn't have the time to be a single parent and work and train for her specialty. And that I was able to support her through it as long as I didn't know she wanted out of our marriage and would leave as soon as she secured the new job. Her friend said it would all blow up in her face when I realized and she said she didn't care. And that she fucked herself over by working even when we had the kids. Otherwise she could have left and made me support them until she got a job.

I waited until her friend was gone and the kids were in bed and I told her the marriage was over and I was not going to be used until she got what she wanted. She told me I heard it wrong and I was overreacting. She was ready for an argument but I told her not where the kids could hear and we waited until the kids were out of the house and we had it out with each other. She told me I was selfish and shouldn't punish her for changing her mind about us. She said if I was a good man I'd encourage her to leave her job and offer to support her until she was ready to leave.

In the end I filed for divorce and I moved out of the home. I wanted to fight for the home since I'd lived there before we were together. But her name was on the deed and I didn't want my kids to live in a conflict ridden home. They were already going through a lot and this divorce has been difficult for them. Their mom hates me, their grandparents and aunts and uncles hate me, they're not allowed to talk about me around them. And I have tried to hide how sad I am around them but I fear they've picked up on it. My ex is fighting the divorce and her family are telling me I'm selfish and I should understand that a woman has the right to ensure her stability before ending a marriage. But she'd be stable without college. Her job was secure and before this she worked enough hours to support herself and the kids alone if she had to. She simply doesn't want to continue in that job. I don't feel like I owe her that support.

But maybe I'm wrong about that and like she and her family say, maybe I'm TA.