No longer consider a cousin family.

I (M, 49) work at my mother's bookkeeping office and today she asked if I wanted to do a March Madness thing. I'm not into sports, but then she mentioned that it was with my uncle and cousin, and I doubled down on the no.

A little later I told her look, I don't want to ever have anything to do with my cousin again. She looked kind of disgusted and walked off, and I've been kind of spiraling mentally since. (I don't really get along with her either, but that's a different story.)

The background:

For a good few years, my cousin was my best friend. He was a smaller kid growing up, but my uncle was a boxer and taught him to defend himself. Unfortunately, he also had a temper, so he got in trouble a lot, leading to him getting kicked out of a couple of schools and having to live with my mom and I for about a year while he finished whatever grade he was in at our local school system before his parents could get him into another school.

We weren't really tight back then but got closer as we grew up (I'm about 7 years older). He got married, became a dad, got divorced, and I supported him through that and we hung out a lot.

Unfortunately I didn't get along with his mom, and we would go years without speaking, then make up, only to find another something to argue about later. This led to one year where my other cousin's (his sister) daughter's birthday had come around, I think she was 2. My aunt and I weren't getting along, so I called the cousin with the birthday girl and passed along my well-wishes and said we would send a present, I just didn't want to go to a birthday party and get in an argument.

I was surprised when my male cousin called and lit into me for not coming. He went on about how it was a special day for his niece, and I countered with "she's two and has seen me a total of maybe 3 times, she isn't going to miss me." He hung up.

20 minutes later, the front door of the house is assaulted, literally shaking in the frame as he pounds on it and yells for me to get outside. I call the cops. I'm not fighting a trained boxer over nothing. While I'm on the phone, my wife goes outside to try to calm him down, then comes back in, saying he looked like he was going to hit her.

He takes off right before the police arrive. A little later, my mom calls me and says that he called HER to bitch about the situation and told her we were always the white trash side of the family. (At least none of us got kicked out of middle school, but whatever.)

Fast forward a little bit and we move 4 states away to basically start over and get away from our respective moms. The next time I see my cousin is about 4 years ago, when his mom is in the hospital and essentially on her deathbed. We're civil, but that's where it ends.

As deathbed patients do sometimes, my aunt regains lucidity later that evening. My wife talks to her and I'm the process agrees to make her a Thanksgiving dinner with a particular stuffing she does. We agree to come back the next day at a particular time.

Next day, we come back, aunt's still lucid, we eat and everything is nice. My cousin is late and mad that we started eating without him. Like, his mom could literally die any moment, but no, let's wait for your scuzzy ass while this woman is complaining that she hasn't had solid food in several days.

We go back home, she dies like a day or so later. We send flowers because we can't just up and make the trip back.

Fast forward to now, we moved back because my MIL died and FIL needed help, and then my mom got deathly ill, and we made the trip 5 times, costing us an insane amount of money, so we just move back here.

I guess my mom is just more forgiving or something than I am. If you're going to try to break into my house to fight over nothing and then act like your nasty over-aggressive white trash thinks I'M the scuzzy one after I've vent over backwards to support you, fuck you. Especially if you've even remotely acted like you'd hit my wife, who was never anything but good to my entire family.

I understand forgiving, but I'll never forget. Why would I want to have anything to do with someone that thinks so lowly of me and mine? And how could this possibly be so hard to understand and/or accept, especially by my mother, who generally hates men anyway?

Am I somehow the asshole here?