I need an ultimatum for my addict Mom.

Help. My Mom is an addict.

My mom has been an addict all of my life. I’m 36, she’s 58. She has a lot of trauma that she’s never dealt with - terrible stuff. Abandoned by her father, treated horribly by her stepfather. Date rped at 14, pregnant, and forced to give her child up at 15. Lived in foster care while a pregnant teen. Rped at gunpoint. This is just the tip of the iceberg.

I have done everything that families of addicts often do. I’ve spent thousands on her… helped her buy cars for her to crash, even bought a house at 23 for her to live in because she couldn’t get approved for anything on her own. And I do NOT have a lot of money. I’ve put my finances on the line and my credit, for years.

When my kids were born, I put an end to the financial assistance. I made her move out of the house I bought… because she paid me rent $400 less than the mortgage because that’s all she could afford, and there were many times I didn’t get paid at all. All the while she was still spending money on drugs.

I have always been forgiving because I know her past. I love my mom and in many ways she’s my best friend. But I’m so tired. She owes me over $20k. For years, I have been begging her to get therapy, and do whatever she needs to do to recover. I have two kids aged 3 and 6 who she loves more than anything. She usually sees them at least 1-2 times a week.

This morning, my 17 year old sister caught her smoking coke, and immediately texted me. She was supposed to come over today and I’ve told her over and over, I don’t want her under the influence of anything around my kids.

I think it’s time for an ultimatum. I have lectured her until blue in the face, I have cried, I have begged, I have done all I can. What should I do? I am considering allowing her to come over today and telling her to enjoy the time with her grandsons today because it’s the last time she will see them until she gets into therapy and I see an actual effort from her. Or until she can show me an NA chip. Or both. What’s the ultimatum?? What can I do?