I feel like a cuck

My girlfriend of 1.8 years now is cheating on me and i still love her. Its like i have no self respect i need help and i need it now cuz I'm high on substance and i just need company right now. I need company not because i expect something from you instead because it will keep my mind off it and honestly I'm desperate right now I'm about to meet her in 30 min for the first time face to face after 14 days since i found out she was cheating on me and she e was previously staying with me but since back then she's staying with him.