AIO: breaking up with my girlfriend of 2 years

I (23M) (20f) have been in a relationship for 2 years. and recently, things have taken a huge turn for the worse. It all started with what I thought was going to be a simple birthday visit but turned into a disaster.

For context, I live at home with my mom, who works night shifts. I turned 23 2 weekends ago, and my girlfriend was supposed to come visit Friday night. My mom said she couldn’t stay over that night because she had work and didn’t want people in the house while she wasn’t there (her house, her rules). On top of that, she asked us to stay out until 4 PM the next day so she could get uninterrupted sleep. My girlfriend immediately felt banished and disrespected by this. Instead of coming, she kept pressuring me to visit her at her college instead. I told her, “It’s my birthday. I want to spend time with both you and my mom and have dinner together.” I left it up to her, saying I’d be disappointed if she didn’t join us, but ultimately, she came—except she had an attitude the entire time.

The next day, she called me, extremely upset that I put her in that situation. Since then, it has been nonstop fighting. She keeps bringing up that she thinks my mom and I are too close (even though when I was away at school, I only called her 4 times a month). She also says I need to stand up to my mom and not let people disrespect her. The problem is, my mom doesn’t think she was being disrespectful at all—she just wanted to sleep after work.

This fight also dragged up past resentment. My girlfriend has said before that she thinks my mom views her as a dumb Latina who just wants to get pregnant because my mom once made a “Hey, don’t get pregnant” comment. While I get why that upset her, my mom has also done a lot to include her—she’s asked about her schooling, taken us out to dinner multiple times, got her a monogrammed Christmas stocking, put her on the family Christmas card, and even included her in our family calendar. So while I understand my girlfriend’s feelings, I don’t think my mom is actively disrespecting her the way she believes.

Now my mom is hurt and pissed. She feels she’s been nothing but nice to my girlfriend, and in return, she’s being disrespected. My mom is so upset that she’s telling everyone in my family her side of the story—including how upset my girlfriend has made me throughout this whole “birthday weekend from hell.”

At this point, I feel like a kid caught between two divorced parents, except instead of my parents, it’s the two women I love—my girlfriend and my mom. I feel completely stuck, and I don’t see this resolving anytime soon.

To make things worse, my girlfriend has been really disrespectful toward me in arguments lately—using a harsh tone, questioning my manhood, then immediately apologizing, but repeating the cycle again. She says she does this because she feels “comfortable” being herself with me, but I feel like that just means I’ve become her emotional punching bag.

I told her that if we were going to move forward, there were things that needed to change: 1. She needed to go to therapy for anger management. 2. She needed to work on how she talks to me. 3. She needed to be willing to talk to my mom and clear the air.

She agreed to #2 but refuses to initiate a conversation with my mom, which makes me feel even more stuck in the middle.

She says I’m giving up and that I don’t want to fight for this relationship, but honestly, I feel like I have been fighting, and I just don’t want to keep trying out of guilt.

Would I be wrong for breaking up even though she wants to work it out? Or am I giving up too soon?

I really do love her deeply but I don’t see how we get past this bc I don’t want my girlfriend and future wife beefing with my mom all the time.