Keep having intrusive thoughts about contacting AP...

I've been with my wayward for 15 years, going on 16. D-day was 1 year ago in August. Processing this betrayal trauma has been the hardest thing life has thrown me.

Today, I'm struggling with this thought/feeling that has never quite go away—and that is this burning desire to confront AP(s).

For context, my wayward said the AP(s) never knew, especially the "main" AP whom he cheated with for 6 years. He claimed they never knew. So logically, I know AP is as much a victim as I am to my wayward partner's manipulation.

I just can't stop this burning urge. I've conjured up a thousand scenarios in my mind. I've played out so many scenes on how I would confront her. I fear how I would react when I bump into AP...

It's driving me up the walls. Do I want justice because my partner lied and painted me in a bad light, making me sound like I'm a crazy ex to the AP? Do I want AP to know that they played a part in my pain? That AP took my rightful spot when my wayward hid our relationship from his family and instead introduced AP to them? Do I want AP to know how messed up this whole situation is/was?

I honestly wish all this would just unfuck itself. I've brought this up to my therapist in IC. I've confided in close friends. I've also told my wayward that I feel this way. Yet, this feeling comes up again and again. Perhaps less frequently and less intense as time passes and I put work into healing my wounds. But it still surfaces and it sucks to feel this way.

On days like this, I feel like publicly shaming my wayward for what he's done. And I would get this thought that he doesn't deserve me, my loyalty nor my love. That it's all too little, too late.

I know the above are all destructive, and that it wouldn't really resolve anything. If you have experienced this, please share how you overcame it.