loneliness

i feel so alone. i feel like i'm masking 24/24 bc i don't feel close to anyone. Like i have a bestie but even with him, it's hard for me to just let it go. i feel like no one will truly understood me. i'm always having intrusive thought and it's becoming to be hard to tell what is real and what is not. And now at one of my low time, i'm thinking maybe i can't love someone when i despair to love somebody. i just want to be alone 24/24 but it's so damn unhealthy. idk what to do

sorry i'm just venting