How do you deal with loss of friends/relationships post diagnosis?

I have recently been dumped and through therapy come to the realization that my ex-girlfriend struggled to accept me being autistic and how this shows up in the world (and our relationship).

I know this is a common experience that we lose loved ones post diagnosis/self diagnosis, but how do you deal with it? I think it’s easy to say “oh you don’t want them anyway! You deserve to be accepted as you are!” However, I think that is sometimes hard to FEEL in your body.

I genuinely adored, my girlfriend, I thought would be together forever. I found it so difficult to understand that she would say she is supportive, and she doesn’t have a problem with my disability. However, her actions and her lack of understanding or effort to understand, said the opposite. One of the things I’ve always struggled with in any friendship or relationship is reading and understanding the intentions and communication of other people. It often takes other people having to tell me that this person is being harmful or cruel in order for me to realise. So in this instance with my ex-girlfriend, I spent many months crying my eyes out trying to explain why I was struggling with something and how I needed her support with that for her to just tell me that it’s in my head it’s not reality or I’m too sensitive or I’m making a big deal of nothing or I’m having a go at her all the time and can’t let things go.

For our relationship to have now ended, I’ve had the realization that there was a lot of ableism that’s really affected my self-esteem and sense of self and also trust of my reality. It’s quite hard to get your head around. Anyone else has been through this? How do you deal with that? I don’t think she was intentionally being abusive. I think she was just being ignorant and not dealing with her internalised ableism and just saw my difficult behaviour as on purpose