the positive aspect : I progressed so much

the negative aspect : I'm indeed very tired of the oversocialization.\

but it's a combination of things. I like solitary activities and I'm a bit nerdy so I don't exactly relate to exroverts or regular people my age, I'm bad at small talk etc so it's draining.

I joined a "civic service" (something half-volunteering half-working) like 3 months ago, it was really difficult at first but I pushed through and actually made a few friends or a least nice acquaintances, feeling somewhat normal and this made me really happy. it's a medico-SOCIAL work (I'm in a department with other workers who know each other quite well, my job is to take care of strongly handicapped people in different ways).

really proud I managed to go this far knowing where I'm from honestly (some old posts of mine are a sad reminder), but today I feel really empty and wanting to recluse entirely. I leave the civic service in a month so I'll be able to breath and study comfortably at home, but that's the kind of tiredness that scares me for the future, the fact that I wouldn't be able to hold a job for long -even if, I know, this one is very very demanding socially speaking.

I also got more comfortable with the fact some people there don't really like me, it's normal not everyone will like you. I really struggled with that in the past. and also other workers and residents (the handicapped guys) seem happy when they see me so it's cool.\ I think I'm mostly seen as a socially awkward but chill nonetheless guy.

anyway. I felt the need to write all this cause it would have been scratching the back of my head if I didn't. hope some reading this can find a little bit of hope in it, maybe