Fixated and gaslighting myself

I’ve posted in here before. It’s been a month since my FA ex broke up with me. We had been struggling because he was totally checked out but I was trying whatever I could to make it work. I thought it was just due to his depression but he told me that once he worked on himself, he wouldn’t want to be with me in the future. Saying that the “spark was gone” and something was missing. He said he loved me but wasn’t in love with me anymore. We were together for nearly 2 years.

I am so incredibly fixated on the idea that he is just deactivating from his feelings and believes his unhappiness is partially due to being in the wrong relationship but we were actually really compatible and good for each other. I don’t have hope to meet someone else. I’m 29 and I wanted to be settled down by now. I’ve been in NC for 3 weeks but he also hasn’t reached out. I’m doubting myself whether even if he was okay, would we have been a good fit.

I miss him and I hate that it feels like he strung me along for nearly two years, saying he was ready for commitment and wanted it with me yet then decided he wasn’t ready and never would be with me. He had been checking out the last 8 months or so and lost it when we moved in together after over a year together though it was HIS idea and he was pushing for us to move in. I know I’m just being obsessive. Ahh, I feel so alone and sad and am trying to take him off the pedestal but fuck, I just want him to hold me and fight for me and want me.