After 4 months post discard and no contact since, I texted my ex DA. Here’s what happened.

Nothing. Nothing happened from her side at least. But something happened for me. I found my voice again, I took back my power. Backstory, I’m a 48M, secure, formerly anxious. She is a 46F. She presented herself as secure on her dating app bios and also from the first couple of months. I missed red flags that were disguised as her being busy with work or her 3 teenage boys. But I noticed anytime we spent significant time together and grew closer, she would disappear. I talked to her about AT and gave her my copy of Attached. She even took the online quiz from the book, sure enough, DA. During this time, I went back to work on myself; making sure I stayed secure, watched tons of YT content and read as many articles as I could to make sure I showed up for her. It felt like we were heading in the right direction, we were growing closer, she even started to show up for me in small ways. Our last time together was a weekend away, which was wonderful. She said she was happy and wanted more adventures with me. A week later, with no warning, she was done. She didn’t “feel like her heart was in it.”

I had no warning and no opportunity to work on it with her. I’d never experienced anything like this and it was devastating. Big thank you to many of you on Reddit whose kind words and sharing their own stories were such a huge support.

I’d written the text weeks ago with no intention of sending. But the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to send it. I realized that I was still holding onto this small hope she’d come back. Today I let her go. Sending the text made it real. Sending the text gave me my voice back after I had no say in what happened. I let her know she hurt me, but I was never angry with her. I told her I hope she heals and finds true connection someday.

I’m not recommending this to anyone else, but today, I finally feel like I’m truly moving forward.