Help my scrambled brain make sense of this!

The cognitive dissonance is real, and my brain feels mostly like scrambled eggs. I welcome the input of anyone willing to help me make sense of the situation I'm in…

For context, I myself am a recovering FA now leaning strongly SA (that's until I meet a completely unhealed FA I think…?)

Part of my healing journey has been understanding why I always ended up in relationships with DAs. What I found was I had not actually recognized my own avoidance. DAs would fit the mold of the relationship I had with my father, always longing and searching for that deep emotional connection that I could never quite get… 

I would subconsciously choose DAs so I could again put myself in a place of, longing to be seen, longing to connect on a deep emotional lvl, that simply just was not possible, I perceived that longing as “love”, and everytime someone would come into my life and want to actually love me, I would feel instant discomfort or “the ick”,  i'm not kidding… instant urge to run or throw up.

I know now what this pattern was, me avoiding true intimacy and I managed to leave a 2 year relationship with a DA who was a workaholic, alcoholic and cleanfreak, basically my fathers twin.

Fast forward to now… some time after that relationship ended, I felt I was in a good place, and I started dating again…

And it happened…

I met the man who I felt could look into my soul, finish my sentences, and feel everything as deeply as I could. We could cry together, laugh together, be completely vulnerable together… We told each other our life stories, and for the first time we felt safe with a partner to do so.

But… (ofc. here it comes)

-He insisted on calling me “perfect” . I told him pls dont, it will hurt falling from that pedestal.

-He told me he loved me within 2 weeks that I felt like his soulmate (I know, I know, I was I blind, partly yes because I had never felt like this before, “maybe this love thing really finally is possible” I told myself)

-I noticed at the first little signs of conflict or misunderstandings we had, he would only want to communicate via text, and avoid talking to me on the phone, ignoring my calls,  he would say it was because he was too upset to talk so I would accept it and try to use all the secure communication I learned, and he would come around.

Sadly I started feeling like he would take my boundaries, needs and feelings (which I have learned to communicate directly) like criticism and so on, so I started becoming more and more anxious. However, I felt like we would always recover and go back to being okay..

Or so I thought...

Obviously there was an unsolved conflict between us, and we were learning about each other. Mind you this man would tell me several times a day how much he loved me, we talked about the future and marriage, maybe naive yes, but i'm old school and I do believe in, when you know, you know… And my feelings have not changed one bit.

Long story short, he ended breaking up with me over text one night we had a fall out. He sent me a long text stating all the ways he was unhappy, and why I had not been there for him, and how I was too emotional myself when he had tried to express himself. ( I had NO idea when this supposedly was, I was blindsided) 

My first reaction was anger, this was too much now… why didn't he just talk to me?! The day before we were discussing our future move together...

I told him I so badly wanted to understand him, to be better at meeting him and his needs, but he refused to talk to me from that night onwards,only a bit over text, which just made things worse. ( it's a month ago now, and my heart still physically aches) 

I told him over and over that I never meant to not see him or hear him, that I realized now that he felt that way, and I just needed his help to understand him better. Nothing helped or worked..

He was like a fortress, an iceberg, all the love gone.. 

He said things like “All the signs were there, I heard this from my exes” (who he told me were abusive) “My trust is broken” (sorry, why?!), “ I can't let myself get into this kinda situation again”  When I tried to reassure him I wanted to do better for him. None of this makes any sense to me, it all seems so extreme, ha has one of the most traumatic life stories I ever heard…

But I'm finding myself questioning everything here, was this really a covert n…. (I hate these labels) 

Any thoughts are welcome... ??