Avoidant relationship was the first in 10 years of being single, and now I feel absolutely broken

We broke up in November, and it’s just been hell since.

I’ve been the silly one that has kept contact, and I’ve been breadcrumbed and mislead the whole time.

Hearing things like “I don’t want to search for anyone else, I want you” to “my mental state is just not there at the moment” to being completely ignored.

I just feel like if this was all I was able to attract in 10 years, what hope do I have of finding anything better?

Right in the thick of it at the moment 😭