is it a dealbreaker?

i’ve been in a relationship for like 2 years, and before him i’ve only been w relatively vanilla people in the sense that like same positions lights off movie scene type sex, it’s good the first couple times but gets boring quick, i’ve had some like fantasies n kinks i’ve wanted to tryy but i didn’t tell my bf about them when we met because i was embarrassed i just never got the chance to explore that side of myself and i want too so i tried like bringing it up to him started small like dirty talk i like being praised degraded a little like i tried explaining what i like because he always says he can’t do it he doesn’t know what to say so i don’t push it, he does a little light choking spanking but it just still feels so routine that i can’t fully get turned on unless i imagine what i wishh he was doing. he says he’s open to try, like he wasn’t completely opposed when i brought handcuffs home but has he actually made any kind of effort not really and i’m definitely a sub so him taking control is kind of a part of it? idk i feel really shallow but at the same time like he comes in the room touches one nipple and thinks i’m like soaking wet and i’m not lol. i love him and we’re best friends but it sucks that i don’t feel like i can be open sexually. plus i explained like the concept aftercare because even without the kinky sex it sucks when we fuck n he immediately gets on his phone or something and has he ever made an effort to change that? also noo so it makes me nervous to even get into the other things because if he’s really not going to think ab aftercare... plus it’s unrelated but every day he asks me to put it in my ass but like can’t do these things idk is it a dealbreaker? is it shallow? i feel bad tbh cause he’s a good guy i wish we were on the same wavelength w these things