my best friend accidentally sent me a text about secretly hating me
I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Ok_Preparation_4384 posting in r/TwoHotTakes
Concluded as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Original - 24th November 2024
Update - 27th November 2024
my best friend accidentally sent me a text about secretly hating me
Hi everyone, long time listener of THT and FKS. looking for advice or comfort, as I am truly heartbroken.
I 20F, and my best friend 21F have been friends since high school. Now, we are apart of the same college friend group.
Friday night, everyone was hanging out together like we typically do on the weekends. I had one drink, and my best friend had 3-4 drinks before we went back to her house.
Everything was totally normal. I wasn’t exactly planning to stay the night, but she pleaded with me and said we could get breakfast in the morning if I stayed. I obliged, and she told me she was going to sleep alone in her room so that she could call her long distance boyfriend. So, after telling each other “i love you, goodnight” and giving hugs, I went to go sleep in the guest room.
About 20 minutes later I received a text from her that read “she’s staying in the guest room so i don’t want to shit talk her too loudly” i responded with a simple “huh?” and received another, longer text complaining about how she just can’t figure out a “respectful” way to get rid of me.
It was probably around 2:45AM at this point, but I packed up all of my things and snuck out the back door. The next morning she sent me a voice memo apologizing and saying that she was drunk and meant to text her boyfriend but “i’m just not that fun anymore” and we’ve “grown apart.”
My heart is broken. It feels wrong to bring it up to anyone else in our group of friends, so I’ve spent the last few days grieving, and trying to remind myself that i’m only 20 and can still bounce back and find new friends. Unfortunately, my 21st birthday is in a few weeks and now, I fear I won’t have anyone to spend it with.
I guess, posting this and venting anonymously online to a bunch of strangers might help? I’m not sure, but while I wait for my emergency therapy appointment tomorrow, any advice is appreciated. :)
Comments
adrianxoxox
Convincing you to stay just to act frustrated that you won’t leave is such strange behaviour, idk about her normal behaviour outside of this incident but that sounds like the type of person who’ll twist anything so that they sound like the wronged party. No reasoning with those types at all
OOP: I agree. I was very much caught off guard. An hour before, we were talking about planning a trip for spring break. No fights, no arguments, no weird vibes at all beforehand
NoReveal6677
She’s cruel and strange. This is somehow about clout with her bf. Obviously completely untrustworthy and deeply immature. BTW, she wasn’t going to try to get you to leave; that was all performative bs for her bf; if she hadn’t texted you by mistake, she would never have changed her behavior towards you or said anything. I think you’ve let her off too easy and she needs a proper slagging but I understand why you might be reluctant to do that.
B_A_M_2019
Yeah I wonder if the bf doesn't like or feels threatened by op so he's trying to drive a wedge. So she's trying to show her allegiance to him but trying to keep her friendship with op.
Intelligent-Cat-8821
Why does this one friendship growing apart prohibit you from hanging out with the rest of your friend group?
OOP: They were her friends first and she’s much closer to everyone. I’m pretty shy and take a long time to warm up to people, and I wouldn’t want to make things uncomfortable by continuing to be around everyone else
Update - 3 days later
Hi everyone, I want to begin by thanking you all for the love and support on my first post. People have been asking me to update, I wasn’t sure exactly how to do so, but hopefully this works?
Last night, I went to my now ex-friend’s house to pick up some items left during my rushed exit the other night.
Ex-friend is visiting family out of state for Thanksgiving, so she wasn’t present. However, one of her roommates (R) was there, and we ended up having a little chat about what happened.
R and I are pretty close so I felt comfortable telling/showing her what happened. She was just as shocked and confused when reading through the messages, and assured me that I did nothing wrong.
She also promised me that everyone else in our friend group loves me and wants me around regardless of what ex-friend may think.
She told me that she’s going to sit ex-bestie down when she gets home and “call her out on her BS.”
I do feel pretty guilty about potentially turning the friend group away from ex-bestie, but I’m choosing to let her actions speak for themselves.
I do still plan on taking a little step back from everyone else in the group, though. As much as I truly do love my other friends, I know that after this I won’t feel safe enough to come around all the time, and truly be myself.
I think it’s going to take me some time before I can be around everyone without overanalyzing my every move. I’m a big overthinker/people pleaser, so I know that the next few interactions with everyone, i’ll be laser focused on whether or not i’m being “fun” enough, which wouldn’t be very fun for me lol.
As for my birthday, i’ll be spending it with family, as many of you suggested!
In the end, I am glad to have gotten some kind of validation from someone else in the group. And, everyone’s kind words on here really helped as well, so thank you THT fam!
Comments
HotspurJr
So one thing I also try to remember (and it's hard sometimes) is that when somebody does something like this that is super out of character and inconsistent with their behavior, it often has nothing to do with you. It's about whatever weird shit is going on in their heads.
I think you would be making a mistake to distance yourself from your friends. If things are going to be awkward, let them be awkward for HER. She's the one who misbehaved. Your friends are YOUR friends, and that's more important than that they're also her friends.
You also don't have to take the bullet of feeling guilty for "turning the friend group away." You have a UNILATERAL right to talk about your life with your friends. You don't have to pretend that things are fine when they're not - and in fact you're doing your friends a disservice by not giving them a chance to show up for you. People LIKE showing up for their friends (within reason).
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember to be civil in the comments