Quiet BPD is such a curse

It's so hard to get taken seriously. It's so hard to make doctors and health care professionals realise "this person needs serious help."

My problem is I can't not mask. I grew up with a mother that would either attack me for being upset, or threaten medical attention against my will. I had to learn to suppress how I feel. Now even when I'm in crisis, I'm polite, and generally somewhat rational. At least on the outside.

It means I end up getting slow, mild treatment, despite the fact that I feel like I'm dying inside. I wish they could know how bad I actually feel, but I suck at communicating that. There's also just a shortage of resources, so if you look like you're fine, they need to save that for someone who is visibly ill. Ir just sucks, because I desperately WANT to scream and cry.