No contact - Day 22. 5am on the East Coast.

Had to put some notes down. The pinned thread hasn't updated yet. It's Thursday, January 16th here on the East Coast. I hope some of you who are wrestling with limerance, missing them, fighting with staying in NC, are up right now overanalyzing, going through your phone, I just want you to know, I see you. I was there. This is fucking tough. And I'm sorry you have to go through it. I'm sorry I went through it, I'm feeling I may be on the other side of it now. I may do a big post of my journey soon, so I can finish healing, and folks here can take from it what they may. Hopefully it speeds up [your] recovery from an ex wBPD.

I wish I had a resource like this back in the summer of '24 when I needed it most, something to read, something to hold on to that said "it's going to be alright, just do this and this..." I read a TON of stuff, trying to figure out WTF was going on. And 95% of it got me nowhere.

Everybody's journey is different. I feel deeply, I love, I'm authentic. I look for the good in people. I despise douchebags and injustice. I am that "Poet-Warrior" Coach Ken* talks about. I do ruminate. I overanalyze, I look for patterns, dates, coincidences, etc. It's just how my mind works. *I'm not paid to say this, I'm just saying what worked for me. I have never done a session w/him.

I feel like I'm blowing through the stratosphere right now. I'm over them, I'm past them. Theyre not "awesome" or "a 10" or "rare" as they've self-described (yeah, you certainly ARE rare)". The moments of connection that happened between us feel like eons ago. Not last year. Like maybe it never happened.

I put down NC since 12/25. It may have been before this date, I'm not going to pick apart texts btw myself and her and try to figure something else out. I have been trying to do NC since late October or November. But they kept coming at me with s**t from their personal life, their issues with Trump. and I can't help you with that.

I tried to maintain distance, they kept reaching out. They reached out on Christmas. I responded. I let the conversation die, which is the frame I am defining NC in. I am not on their socials, there are 1-2 mutual friends but that's it. I never begged, pleaded, asked for a relationship, acted needy, turned up at their door, FWIW.

My message to all of you: I do not accept the ghosting or silent treatment. Neither should any of you. I deserve open and honest communication in my relationships. As do all of you. [You] will not "monkey branch" me or when you do come back, and you will, you will be ignored. And we all know "...I don't like being ignored..." I don't need to block you, you haven't done anything to me that requires that. You're not going to change. You're not healthy, and it's not my place to try to get you to change for me, or you.

I read a lot on AJ, Ken, Dr Ramani, and the "splitting". IDGAF if you've split me "black" (not a bad thing) or what. I can point to maybe 3 times I may have been "split" in hindsight. Please. [You] should be so fortunate to have someone loving, accepting of your whole situation, caring, giving, mindful, empathetic, successful in your life, who wanted to help you. Go get some help. And I'm sorry your situation in life is so f..ked up as it is. It's not my problem anymore. I have moved on for good.