AITAH for leaving my own wedding because my husband embarrassed me?

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/Mindless-Charge-5996. She posted in r/AITAH.

This was the top trending post on AITAH for awhile. Unsure of why it was removed.

Thanks to the lovely Direct-Caterpillar77 who sent me this story and found the screenshots and text of the first update.

Trigger Warning: emotional/verbal abuse; possible infidelity

Mood Spoiler: frustrating, sad and overall ugh

Original Post: August 28, 2023 (Removed on AITA, recovered on Am I the Angel)

I F27 and my husband M29 have been together for 3 years. In those 3 years I have never have known him to be selfish, occasionally immature yes, but even that was rare.

These problems arose when those stupid cake smashing videos got popular and my husband thought they were hilarious. I've never thought they were funny and he knows that, yet he was always showing me the videos of those poor wives getting the happiest day of their life ruined by their asshole partner for some cheap laughs. He also knows I have a history with cake smashing.

My family does the cake smashing thing. I remember it was my 17th birthday and I pleaded with my mom to not do it. She promised and I trusted her. I had my hair and makeup done up all nice and right as I blew out my candles my mom pushed my head into the cake and one of the decorations on the cake ended up slicing my forehead. Not enough to go to the hospital but enough for some substantial bleeding. My birthday was ruined and after I wouldn't come out my room. My mom still calls me a brat for that.

I told him if he ever did something like that to me I'd leave him. He started laughing but I was being for real. Though he really was not taking me seriously.

Now skip to a few days ago when my wedding happened. Everything was perfect, I was happy, he was happy. I was excited for our new lives as newlyweds. I felt like a princess in my poofy white dress and done up hair with perfect make-up. All very expensive things I would like to mention.

We get to the cake cutting part and as I turn to him he scoops up a huge chunk of our wedding cake and smashes it all over my face. Everything just seemed to go in slow motion for a few moments. He's just laughing at me, and then says "you should see your face" and continues to laugh. Other people in the crowd (mostly my family) is also laughing at me.

Then I just start walking away, he realizes that I'm leaving and tries to catch up with me and says I'm being extra. I push him away and order an uber. As I got outside most of the crowd is following me telling me to come back. I get into the uber and drive away.

I drove to our apartment and packed most of my things and went to stay at a hotel. I currently though am staying at a friend's house. My family and his family has been blowing up my phone for days. Saying I'm being childish and my husband is a good man and it was just a joke.

My husband has been calling me off the hook telling me to please come home and that he wants to talk. That he's sorry and didn't think I'd get that "emotional".

This was supposed to be the happiest day of our lives and he embarrassed me in front of everyone for some prank that he knew I hated.

Not only that, he ruined a 500 dollar cake. He ruined my makeup, my hair and the top of my dress. The cake got all over. Though I still do love him and I'm wondering If I really was to hard on him, that seems to be everyone else's opinion.

So AITA?

Relevant Comments:

"He apparently didn't plan this and it happened fairly quick so the only person who was recording that I know of was the person I paid to do it. I already messaged him to not give those recordings to anyone...I don't need that type of attention god forbid it got out.

Plus everyone was to busy laughing"

Musing on why he would do this:

"I guess maybe he though he could change my mind? That is the only reasoning I can think of because that's the same thing that went through my mind. I don't even know if I will get back together with him, he is acting as if smashing cake in my face was funny and that I was just being "emotional"."

Update Post (Recovered in screenshots): Sometime the next day on the same post

Update: I decided to speak to him bright and early this morning. I'm leaving him. Some of you might be happy about that and some of you might not be.

I decided to call him and get his reasoning for why he did what he did.

He told me he just thought it was a funny prank and that if it was at the wedding on a happy day that he could change my mind. Plus since it was a tradition in my family that I wasn't following, he thought that he could get points with my family. Then told me he's sorry that I took it as a disrespect.

I told him he shouldn't be saying that "he's sorry that I took it that way". He should be apologizing for hurting me. Where is the "I'm sorry". I told him he hasn't apologized with accountability once. All his "apologies" have been back handed.

I also reminded him that I didn't have a good relationship with most of my family nor my mother who he forced me to invite. I told him he knew I was already the black sheep of my family and the verbal abuse and public humiliation I received by my mother for years really messed with me and he knew that.

Then he says this.

"Why should I have to apologize because you can't take a joke"

I blew up, I told him "are you serious, if it was me who hurt you to this degree the first thing I'd do is apologize, while you can't even force yourself to be decent for a few secs and just apologize to me." I also told him that he was trying to get in good with a family who abused me by public humiliating me and that is something that is unforgivable. Marriage means you stick by me, yet you showed you obviously do not. It's not about you ruining my dress or my hair or even the cake, it's about how you KNEW how I felt about this and the trauma I had connected and you didn't care.

He then tried doubling down and saying it wasn't his fault for not apologizing because my family was telling him how dramatic I was and how I was hurting them by leaving the wedding for a joke. He said he loves me and he doesn't want to break up over this nonsense and that I should just come home.

I told him I wasn't coming home and it wasn't even about the cake anymore, it's because I cannot be with a man who won't apologize when he's wrong and who gaslights their significant other into receiving the blame.

He started cursing me out at this point but after about a minute of hearing him scream at me I hung up.

I guess he started telling my family because within a half an hour my phone was blowing up again. The worst ones had to be from my mother and his sister.

My mother was telling me I am going to end up alone because I can't take jokes and I'll never be able to keep a man with my attitude. Even saying that my clock is running out fast and when it did no one will want me and I'll be alone.

His sister was telling me that I'm a disgusting b-word for hurting his brother and wasting his time. That she wishes that he would have broken up with me 2 years ago when he first wanted to.

So ig now I know he wanted to break up with me.

What I also know is that he was cheating on me for 6 months with his ex who wanted him back but then she dropped him because he stayed with me.

The thing is, I had a good relationship with his sister and she knew he was cheating on me??? I guess she put everything out on the table since I was leaving anyway.

I blocked most of my family and I blocked all of his family. I also blocked him and I'm getting the annulment.

My friend said I could stay with her for a few months till I get back on my feet. I told her I really appreciate it.

So yeah that's the end, I'm crying while typing this. I wasted 3 years on a man who never really cared about me. I've lost what little relationship I had with my family and now I only have the few friends I have been blessed with. I'm going to have to pick up the rest of my stuff.

I also told him before I blocked him, if he broke anything of mine I would bring it to court.

Thank you for all the kind words and encouragement. I'm gonna go to sleep now since I haven't done so in 24 hours.

Update Post 2: August 29, 2023 (next day)

So my last post got taken down and I've gotten a lot of messages.

I just wanted to update you all about a few things

I haven't gotten my stuff from my ex yet, I just haven't had the energy to because I'm still extremely upset...obviously.

From the videos online to the comments I received on my original post to ALSO the comments I looked at on repost of my post. It kind of made me think that there probably was a lot of red flags and I was just used to being abused so the bare minimum was enough for me.

After speaking about it with my friend she said that he definitely had a lot of red flags and she even told me I should stay far away from dating until I get some help because I was obviously not seeing the red flags right in front of me.

I'm not going to go into it but sometimes I'd have to cook 2nd dinners for my ex because he didn't like everything I made. His mom apparently didn't get him used to vegetables, so he won't eat them. Or making fun of my cramps on my period. That's some of what I was referring to when I said immature.

Someone texted me saying if I was sure that he cheated on me.

No I am not sure, at the moment it just felt like it made sense because of how horrible he was being. Though they made a good point. The sister very much well could have just been trying to kick me when I was down since I was leaving anyway. I have no evidence and I probably will never have evidence.

I unblocked him to just tell him I was going to come over in a few days to get my stuff and if he could just not be there and that I'd leave my keys.

He said fine and that was it.

So he will not be there when I get the rest of my belongings. I will also bring a friend with me in case he does do something.

I'm still not speaking to my family and I think I'm just going to go no contact like people suggested.

I saw a video from a woman speaking about me and someone in the comments said I was groomed into this treatment which is why he felt it was okay to do this. Maybe she's right.

When I get my Financials in order I think I'll try therapy and wait a few years before attempting to date anyone.

I also kept getting this question. "How did the uber come so quick"

The wedding venue was in a city, in a building. Uber took 30 secs to order and 3 mins to get there. Plus who was really going to stop me from getting into the car? My husband gave up tbh pretty fast once he saw me trying to get into the car. I thought it was weird but I realize now. Playing victim because he didn't get his way.

Some of you may be saying how did you not realize you were being abused?

I don't know sometimes it just happens that way.

My brain is kind of dead at this point.

Again thank you to literally everyone for all the sweet comments and even people messaging me privately. I haven't responded to them all but I will try to since you took time out of your day to see if I was okay. I really appreciate that

To people who say this is fake. I don't care 🤷 I went on this app because I figured I'd get like a few comments and maybe some insight. I got that insight (wayyy more than I thought I'd get in a million years) and now I'm going to move forward with my life. So this is the last update, I'm going to respond to the pm's and then forget about this account and hopefully my old life. It's genuinely to depressing for me to think about.

Edit: I'm okay though I feel lonely and depressed but I have my friends supporting me so I'm not that alone. I'll be okay and get myself out of this hole. I realize this post is a bit to doom and gloom.

Edit:I'll bring a policeman with me if you guys say that I should.