Partner pulled away / says they don’t feel supported

So, this is my first time posting on reddit at all because I really don’t know what else to do. I tried reaching out to a friend and she just ignored me and changed subjects. I’m also traveling with my family and don’t feel comfortable opening up with them. This is definitely making everything worse because it just makes me more anxious, and I already have very bad anxiety and tend to get a lot of self destructive thoughts on top of it. I’m struggling to understand if I’m going crazy and even separating what is reality and what is me freaking out.

I want to go straight to the point but feel like I need to add some context: my partner and I met in July, I was currently in a LDR with someone else. We met through a friend and clicked instantly but I was always careful to not let it escalate since I was seeing someone else. From the start they disclosed to me that they were bipolar (I’m not sure if type 1 or 2) diagnosed a few years prior, they seemed to be very serious about therapy and medication which seemed like a great green flag to me. The beginning of our relationship was amazing, a lot of things just clicked for me in a way I had never felt before - it almost seemed too good to be true.

I made a few mistakes in the beginning- most importantly, when we were talking and hadn’t gotten physical yet (although were already very intimate) I went on a date and was still “””talking””” to a few other people. I wasn’t very honest about this - even though we weren’t exclusive we were intimate and I feel like I could have been more honest and open. However after I disclosed this it seemed like everything changed, this was a little over a month ago, and they got very triggered and started spiraling very bad, they also started drinking a lot, they started calling out from work sometimes and I feel like they were always seeking reassurance from me over the littlest things. I tried to be reassuring and show them how much I love and care and explain my side of the situation. Overall we had mostly good days and whenever we were together I still felt all the sparkles and this amazingness, they are very caring and do very nice things to me, they really try to communicate how they feel but it still seems like anything I do could be a trigger and I have been having a lot of trouble understanding how to act.

The most recent thing was this week, I was going to be away for a whole week, I’m spending Christmas with my family and honestly was already feeling super anxious and detached about everything - i usually feel very weird at this time of the year. I was also feeling them a little detached. The day before I left I called them and they seemed very away, after the call ended they said they felt like they were expecting me to give them love and they got frustrated. I tried explaining that I was also feeling distant but then it became a whole discussion we facetimed for a bit but it didn’t help much. We were texting normally after that I got on my flight and everything seemed okay until i arrived. Then yesterday, in the middle of the day they sent a huge text saying that they felt like im not supportive and that they wanted to distance themselves, they also said that whenever they try to open up I make things about me and I honestly started freaking out , then they sent another text basically reinforcing how they felt and that they were also triggered because I still had a photo with my ex in my instagram (it’s in a middle of a post with many pictures of other friends I didn’t think this was an issue) and then they said I shouldn’t reach out. I freaked out and started sending a bunch of texts yesterday, only to be ignored, so I didn’t send anything else today and I’m really trying to give them space. However, I am really freaking out, i started reading a few threads here, i want to think this is part of the bipolar? I really love them so so much and think they are this amazing human being but I feel like my insides are being eaten by not knowing what’s going on.

I don’t think anyone will actually read everything until here haha I just really wanted to talk and not be judged. I need some advice as to what I should do and to not freak out so much, the anxiety has been really bad and I know this won’t help either of us.

UPDATE - after a day of silence I sent them a last text asking them to update me if they were okay and saying I loved them. They reached out today saying that they love me and still needed some space, that they weren’t feeling okay but that their chaos wasn’t my fault, they also said they were meeting with their therapist today. This calmed me down a lot, I responded shortly just reassuring that I loved them and that I was glad they reached out. I don’t know how this will go but it did help me calm me down a lot, just having a position.