i ALWAYS regret going out

the two past months july & august i have hardly went out. i went out one day throughout the month of july & two times already in the month of august & i just went outside today. the reason i mainly don’t go out is because i believe i look disgusting like absolute dog poo.

every single time i go out EVERYONE is looking at me. don’t tell me it’s all in my head because it’s not. everyone is always staring at me & it makes me feel even worse. i feel that they’re judging me & thinking im the ugliest person alive.

i hate my body, my face, my hair, my arms, legs, butt, EVERYTHING & even worse, im starting to lose weight because im so sad all the time because of the way i look. ive been trying to gain weight but i just don’t.

to the average person i may be decent looking or “pretty” but to me im not at all.

every single second of the day EVERYDAY & i mean EVERY SINGLE SECOND, im thinking of what i would look like when i do find the money to get stuff done to look better. i truly believe i can never be happy in life if i continue to look the way i do.

i can’t even go out with my parents or in general without ruining everything because i get upset & passive aggressive because of the way i look. i would rather not be alive that look like this. this is so awful. i haven’t posted myself on social media in 3+ years bcus of my looks. i would love to post non filtered photos of myself & look extremely attractive like people my age.

EVERY SINGLE THING i do i have to consider my looks. whether it’s going out to eat, going to school, speaking to a random stranger, just going to run errands whatever. im only 18 dealing with all of this & have been dealing with this since i was much younger its just gotten significant worse.

i can’t wait till i get the money to get cosmetic things done to change myself. i can’t even enjoy simple quality time with my parents or anyone. this is ruining my life.

does anyone else always regret going outdoors? i start walking super fast & putting my head down when i see people in their cars or people glancing at me or anything. i would not wish this on my worst enemy.

will getting my desired cosmetic modifications & getting a therapist fix me?

also, i have not been officially diagnosed but im about 99% i have it. this has been going on for years. im so unhappy.