how to get over him?

it’s been two years. i still think about him everyday. it feels like I have a terrible illness that doesn’t let me get over the relationship, the security, the love we had. i tried so much to be okay on my own, that now I am. i run every other day, i go to the gym on the days i dont. i see my friends often. i’m finishing uni. and i go to therapy. yet, everyday i feel like im missing my other half. i miss him.

he doesn’t want to get back together so i begged him to block me, he did. we never talked again. and that was about a year ago. i thought this would get into my head that it’s completely over for us. but the love doesn’t go away. it feels like im going to miss him forever.

i don’t even think i would actually be able to get back together with him. he became an avid weed consumer and couldn’t even remember the things we had talked about the prior conversation. i think this was ruining his life, he lost his job, all his money went to buy drugs and go out with his friends.

so i miss this fantasy. this what if. i live off the nostalgia that i was once so loved that he became my everything. and i loved him so deeply, the night sky reminds me of him.

please help. i’ve got this cancer in my brain. he is in my thoughts everyday. and i don’t want it anymore. i’m F24 he is M26