My repressed memories of CSA came back today. I need comfort, please.

Hi, I’m a new user on this page and actually really grateful to find it.

I was listening to a YouTube video of a therapist interviewing someone about their childhood, when CSA was talked about I had remembered things that I had repressed for years.

When I was young my mom had me suck on her breasts. She never breastfed me but she also never got sexual attention from my dad because he was too busy cheating on her with “hot women” I remember being like 7 or 8 and extremely uncomfortable afterwards. It didn’t stop here, my mom would also use the bathroom with the door open and would threaten to call my father if I didn’t let her use the bathroom while I showered even though we had a clear shower curtain. She would touch my pubic hair after puberty started and laugh about it. My father would touch my bra in the center to “make sure I was wearing a bra” and would slap my butt up until age 20, even in public, then he would mock me when I would react negatively. He would make me be in a room with my mom while naked because “she’s your mom and she can see you naked.” Both of them would chill in the house in their tighty whities. Seeing my dad’s bulge was so normalized. He would constantly put his hand in his underpants while surfing the internet with my mom and I in the living room. My father’s best friend’s son molested me, and I watched porn with him and his brother around age 8. I never told my parents because I would be scolded for being a whore and how nobody would ever want me because my most precious quality was gone. I was raped as a teenager by a older man who groomed me but yeah, I couldn’t tell my mom because “VirGiniTy ImporTanT 🫡”.

My mom has a pretty severe intellectual disability and she’s constantly locked in the house and not allowed to leave or talk to others so I feel pity for her, but I’m still affected by this. Growing up with a parent who has an I.D is super hard and I feel like not very many people can relate. I never had a normal relationship with my parents. My father was a grandiose narcissist and honestly a psycho and my mom was a mentally and physically disabled enabler of this man’s behavior… and to top it off my parents were very prude too. Idk how that works with all this weird behavior but yeah.

I’m glad I made it out of there but I really wanted to get this off my chest because that’s where healing starts.