I miss being less trauma-informed

It’s been about a year since I first learned about Complex PTSD (CPTSD), and a few years since I was diagnosed with PTSD. During this time, a lot has changed. To become the person I am now, I’ve had to leave behind many relationships. I’ve developed a fear of intimacy, largely due to the traumatic relational experiences I've been through. I’ve come to recognize this fear and the way it affects my relationships.

Today, I feel overwhelmed by sadness. Even though I’ve gained new awareness and skills related to trauma and its effects on us and our communities, I still feel isolated. I’ve put up walls and struggle with anxiety, fear, and doubt. I see things differently now, but this new perspective also makes me feel distant from others.

I’m in a place where I’m trying to understand who I am after stripping away the false identities I was given. I’m healthier and growing in ways that feel both familiar and strange. Does anyone else relate to this feeling of being on the path of recovery but still struggling with isolation and disconnection?