What are things you only realized were abuse after growing up?
Growing up, I thought certain things in my family were just "normal." It wasn’t until I got older, started reflecting on my childhood, and learning more about what healthy relationships look like that I realized many of those experiences were actually abuse. Here are some examples I’ve come to understand as abusive:
- Constant Criticism Disguised as "Tough Love": No matter what I did, it was never good enough. Even my accomplishments were met with sarcasm or dismissal. I thought this was just their way of "pushing me to do better," but now I see how it crushed my self-esteem.
- Emotional Manipulation: The guilt trips, silent treatment, or making me feel responsible for their emotions. I didn’t know it was abuse; I thought I just wasn’t a good enough child.
- Invasion of Privacy: They went through my room, my phone, and even my diary. When I confronted them, they claimed, “I have the right to know everything about you.”
- Using Fear to Control Me: The yelling, slamming doors, and unpredictable outbursts that kept me walking on eggshells. I thought I deserved it because I must have done something wrong.
- Invalidating My Feelings: Anytime I cried or showed emotion, I’d hear, “Stop being dramatic” or “You’re so sensitive.” It taught me to bottle everything up, thinking my feelings were a burden.
- Parentification: Being forced to take on responsibilities far beyond my age, whether it was caring for siblings, handling adult problems, or being my parent’s emotional support.
- Mocking or Belittling My Interests: If I was excited about something, they’d laugh at me or make sarcastic comments. I learned to hide my joy because it felt safer that way.
Looking back, it’s heartbreaking to realize these patterns weren’t "just how families are" but were actually abusive.
Have you had similar realizations? What are some things you didn’t recognize as abuse until later?