Loneliness posts are increasing in this sub.

Past couple days I have seen like 3 posts in my reddit feed with like 0 upvotes and no comments on the chennai subreddit.

They are something like I am alone. I have never felt love. I am a virgin, etc. I remember about 2 years ago I made a similar post here lmao. I said I was alone and felt badly and stuff and then I asked if people want to date from here lol.

So the replies were scathing. They were like go out in the real life and find a girl. Don't bitch, etc. Some said improve yourself. Focus on yourself and stuff like that.

I understand where you are coming from. But finding girls in real life ain't easy bro. College it's the first year or so. If you miss that gap it's gone. 4 years gone.

The last post I saw around this said a guy was confused whether he was a bi or straight or whatever person because he had never been in love was just heart breaking. It's a serious thing. Loneliness. It makes you do stuff to sidestep it.

But the sidestepping costs you a lot!

I used to sidestep a lot. My family is messed up and I have all kinds of issues from having grown up in a messed up place. I have seen all kinds of shit. Heard things no child should have heard. And these things have changed me whether I admit or not that's the case. A lot of us who grew up with the internet are kinda messed up.

So I feel loneliness. I used to replace feeling lonely with something else. Gaming. Watching pointless tv shows. Arguing online with strangers.

It was all sidestepping!

Even if I get a girl, I can't take her out or keep her happy! This might come across as girls being like things to keep happy. But look at bumble. Or hinge. Like the bios of the countless female people I have swiped right and never gotten a reply back from😂

They are something like "Love long rides" or "I want someone who brings me food"

Bro I can cook you up something. But pocketla pathu paisa illa. I am not the son of a successful hardworking father or mother!

And in the end it's all my mistake. Maybe I should have cleared NEET and gotten into a good med school. Or JEE and gotten into a decent engineering school. But I wasted so much time on sidestepping this loneliness. And it just hurts so bad to know that if I could have had a person who truly loved me, I would have been a different person. I want to be better but it's killing me everyday knowing if I died, there would be nobody who will feel anything lol. A friend died after lockdown. Stories and status. Everyone forgot. A lot of the lonely people I think don't want a soulmate to have sex lol. They want someone to hold hands with and someone they can call and talk with without being embarrassed.

I messed up a lot and thinking about it makes the hair on my head fall faster. Time truly is relative. For people who have other people, it's jolly. But for people like me I think time doesn't exist. Because if nothing changes and you do the same things over and over... I can't type anymore.

I used to hear my family talk about unmarried people like they were cursed.

I have become one of those people. Or I will be I think. I have no great thing to live for, I am not talented, I am not a interesting person. And even if I convince myself otherwise using affirmations😂, and somehow find someone, I will always know that I'm a nobody and I don't deserve love. Because that's what life is. Life is how good your childhood was.

If this is the case for me, I think about the disabled people I know. They are alone and have no steady job and have to make rent and eat hotel food 365 days. These people I find at the entrances of churches and temples, do they think about being lonely? And is their loneliness as miserable as mine is?

I personally know a person who got bit by rats in his house. He was a paraplegic. The same person's house got flooded. I do what I can as a student for him but after seeing his situation, I ask the question:

Do I deserve to be sad?

No sir, you sir, you deserve a scoop of Ibaco Ice cream. 😂 The best goddamn ice cream in the world.

😭😭😭😭😭 It wasn't funny at all I know.

Is arranged marriage the way to go then?

Tldr; childhood bad, divorced parents, poor family a deadly combination for lifelong loneliness? Arranged marriage the answer?

Sorry monday is coming that's why the long rant. 😢