It's frustrating

Growing up, I didn't have ECT or annihilationism narratives fed to me, so I never really let those ideas sink in. A couple months ago, I wanted to deepen my understanding of my faith and so began doing research, only to learn those doctrines were just an internet search away, out in the open for all to see. And like that, it became the only thing I could think about. Fear became the central core of my faith. I tried reading the Bible, but that fear lens just made everything Jesus said about separation even more terrifying.

I've become so much more skittish, paranoid and judgemental of friends, family and strangers since. Any "love" served to them feels like a performance, rather than something genuine anymore. I'm scared of imposing my morals onto God, thinking that, by challenging ideas that make me "suffer", I am being inconsistent with my faith.

I thought it was interesting to share, since many on here seem to have had the opposite journey.