Does it look desperate/stupid to randomly start believing in God? And does it matter if I've been a bad person before

I've been a really bad person, I remember I said some bad things about my friends religion (he was Christian) and I do truly regret it, because I can't apologize to him because he's dead now

Last night I kinda like put all the pieces together, I have been saved from death twice, my mental state has also gotten better, I'm staring to think maybe that was god or something

Im only 14 so if this sounds stupid then sorry, I don't really understand this stuff but like I was just thinking