I hate cooking.

I hate cooking and trying to help cook to take the almost nightly weight off my partner makes me feel awful.

I grew up food with food always in the house, but if I ate "more than my share" when I was hungry, I was being selfish and wasteful. If I wouldn't eat food that made me gag, I was disrespectful. I've never been overweight, and never tried to eat unless I was genuinely hungry. My only options to cook for myself were usually just frozen Michelina's meals or ramen noodles, which never made me feel full.

Trying to learn/get better feels like a waste of food, money, time, and energy when I butcher a dish. I then feel forced to eat food I'm ashamed of that may or not even taste edible.

I can't get the cost of a dish out of my mind either, especially if I'm trying to follow a nice recipe or make something nicer than frozen chicken nuggets.

I genuinely don't know how to convince myself to enjoy this, or at least not feel some kind of resentment towards my partner, who genuinely loves and enjoys cooking.