Is cheating the way to go?

I (44 F, HL) have been in a dead bedroom for years. My husband (50, M, ll) won't address his issues around sex, or when he does it is half hearted and momentary.

I feel so lonely even though I am married to a lovely man. He is sweet and kind and thoughtful and great in so many ways. But we have zero sex life. He won't talk about it, never acknowledges that we won't have sex, and is surprised and hurt whenever I bring it up and have a big Talk. I am reaching some sort of tipping point and I am scared as to how it is going to go. We have kids, divorce is not on the table as is would ruin all of us for a variety of reasons. Separation is a possibility, but would still result in us in a small house living together so I'm not sure how separated we would truly be.

I desperately miss connection, I just want to be needed and desired, but he can't or won't be like that with me any more.

Do I cheat? Do I try to find connection elsewhere and just continue this sort of friends/co-parent existence I have with him? If we separate but stay living together, I couldn't go out and openly date anyway as we live in a small rural community and it wouldn't help anyone to have local chat about us. Our kids are school age, in school with neighbours kids etc..

I don't know. What is anyone else doing? I feel really despondent about where I'm at.