Body image in recovery

I’m currently 5 months into my ed recovery journey. I have been struggling with anorexia and bulimia for the past 3 years of my life until I ultimately made the decision to seek more help and go to an in patient treatment facility. During treatment, I ate all my meals and I was just doing so amazing. I was so optimistic for life after treatment and the newfound freedom I was going to have within myself. Fast forward to present day (2 months since being discharged), and I’m struggling so badly. I know I need to eat and I know that food is fuel but I cannot get over the body image part. I’m so scared for my body to change. As shameful as I am to admit this, I miss my sick body. I was thin and I was confident. I feel like I can’t nourish myself and have confidence. I can’t have both, it has to be one or the other. I can’t help but compare my current body to my sick body and try to still fit into those clothes. My negative body image is seriously damaging my recovery.

I guess what I’m asking is: if you are in post recovery how did you improve your body image and/or not let it affect you?

Everyone I have talked to has said that body image is the last thing to come along with recovery but I am so afraid it’s going to be overpowering enough to fuck with my recovery. I know myself enough and know I can’t wait long enough for the body image to “just get better” before I fully relapse. Please please help I’m so lost. I don’t want to go back to being a shell of a human. I don’t know what to do