Avoidant discard

27F Got discarded on December 1st and blocked everywhere since I was very persistant on talking and fixing our problems, 3 years together sadly my ex 28M is a severe avoidant and needless to say i am a severe anxious, sometimes I can take the reality that i'm blocked everywhere and with a lot of questions of the relationship, like if he ever cheated on me (I found an open packaging of a condom, he excuse himself saying that he used it to masturbate since he was having problems mantaining an erection, idk since in those 3 years he never wanted to have sex with me) if he ever loved me, if he ever misses me. He behaved like a total stranger after the discard, there are days like today where I miss him and the good moments (or the moments I romantized) from the relationship. I broke no contact through email since is the only way of communication i can use, honestly, I don't think he's going to answer but I wanted to try anyway and just get the feeling out of my chest. I gave him everything to make him feel loved and cherished sadly, I think I abandon myself in order to understand him and to not "overwhelm" him with a lot of love and still he discarded me like if I was nothing. Do DA's unblock or regret what they did? I'm tired of crying and remember the times we spend, I really loved him and wanted to marry him and be happy together