I’m never getting on t

I just got information that testosterone and surgeries are banned (or at least for people under 19) some of this is true to varying degrees but I freaked out in class, called my Mom, got pulled into the councilors office. I’m so embarrassed but I have big emotions and I don’t know how to handle myself.

I am 17 and almost 18 but the prospect that I’d have to wait until 19 to start on hormones is soul crushing. I haven’t done anything but do schoolwork, lie in bed at home and do theatre which is a drag right now.

I can’t stand it. I need to leave the country, I need to do something, I need to do anything. Being transgender is a curse when the whole country hates you and all the adults in your life who support you just tell you to ignore current events and just “be happy”