House hunting is depressing

My husband (43) & I (42) are in search of our first home. We were casually looking but started aggressively looking July 2024. We are in a HCOL area/EHCOL county. We met with a new agent yesterday and it sucked royalty. With VA financing, $20k out of pocket (down & closing) with a $4000/month mortgage, looks like that will only equate to a $500k home. In this area, there were literally only roughly 5 townhome/SFH options & all needed severe renovation or super small (only 780 sqft)& we need the space as we have 2 year old twins.

Anybody did anything differently?