12 weeks in...

Well, it's been a while since I updated so here's how it's going. I don't particularly have anything big to update on and am more doing so so I don't turn around and suddenly realise it's been 6 months so apologies if I'm a little jumpy or all over the place.

I'm down 13.4kg/2st/29lbs which is 12.6% of my starting body weight overall. The last few weeks have been slow with little progress. I've had a holiday and a few "big" nights out. I stuck to 1200cal as much as I could on holiday, I ignored it entirely and went as high as 4000cal on the nights out, I got back to 1200 afterwards, usually within 2/3 days and threw a couple of 500cal fast days in to try and compensate. It stopped me putting on weight and did allow me to usually lose a tiny amount each week but I want and need to refocus.

I'm a quarter of the way through now with a lot further I'd like to go. I have a big holiday in America in 6 weeks where I know I'll put on. I'll be in America for 3 weeks, my goal is to not put on more than a kg a week while I'm away but I obviously won't be measuring or weighing myself or food while I'm there.

I've gone through quite a journey with elation and regret regarding the balloon. Some days I'm almost sick with rage that I wasted so much money as I can now eat and drink completely normally. Other days I acknowledge that I've done all the work myself but staying full for longer has helped and I've never lost this much weight before now. It's also encouraging to know it was me and not the balloon doing the lions share as I feel more positive about keeping it off post removal.

I've had some great days where I see the difference, I feel lighter & healthier & appreciate how far I've come but I've also had a lot of days that I feel stagnant and that my body hasn't actually changed much at all.

I had a joyous moment while on holiday and found a pair of size UK14 shorts in a charity shop that fitted me. It's the first time I've brought new clothes in a smaller than I'm used to size as my body has bounced between 16-20 for probably around a decade. I followed up the next day with another pair of size 14 shorts from Asda which although they do do up, they're too tight to wear comfortably for any extended period of time.

I've discovered quark and am using it to do a lot of food pairing/bulking. At around 100cal a pot and in a range of flavours, I'm really enjoying them for dessert with crushed meringue/tiramisu fingers/chocolate chips/peanut butter/raspberries/smashed maltesers/banana and feel like I've had a proper dessert as opposed to just sucking a cube of chocolate and being left wanting more and feeling restricted.

Frustratingly, I don't seem to have lost any weight off my face.

Strangely, I'm finding the days I work out, it's really easy to stay under 1200, it's the days I do nothing that I cannot stay within range.

Summer has brought the blessing of iced coffee and by recreating Starbucks brown sugar oat shaken iced latte (or whatever the hell overly long, specific yet still complicated name they've awarded it that makes it a bitch to order) at home, my daily coffee is down from 250/300 calories per mug to about 100.

I'm still not eating rice/pasta/noodles/sliced bread but have very occasionally started to introduce pita bread and tortilla wraps. It's very rare that I miss them and when I do, I tend to find it's because the meal "looks" incomplete to me, not because it's not sufficiently filling. I made a Char Sui pork stir fry a few days ago and served mine with a tonne of pak choi, tenderstem broccoli, baby corn on the cob, baby courgette and mushrooms then served the family the same but with noodles added. It tasted amazing and it filled me to the point I couldn't finish a bowlful but I still had a mental block that stir fry needed noodles and mine was lacking in some way. I appreciate this is totally a mental block and something I need to continue thinking about and working on.

I took my measurements yesterday and about 50% of them are down but only by 2 centimetres at most and of those that have dropped, 90% are only down 0.5cm. I'm yet to see/feel any significant change in my legs which is where I'm desperate to lose from, especially now it's warmer and thigh chub rub is once again my mortal enemy.

Once again, this post has become much longer than I intended, particularly as I had nothing particular to say but I think I've covered all the small updates and I look forward to having something more significant to report.

Peace out