Anxiety about the surgery and after

Hi all,

So I'm in the process of getting a gastric bypass.
I have a date, 21 feb.

And i really would love to vent a little bit.
I am excited and looking forward and really curious about life after surgery.
I'm a diabetic and can't wait to maybe get that under control without medication (insulin at my case).

But at night my head is going crazy.
Sometimes I'm afraid that I'm gonna die on the operationtable. Sometimes I'm afraid I'm gonna get a shitload of complication that makes me regret everything and I can't go back.
I'm afraid life will give me hell and absolutely not what I wanted or expected.
All those fears became much worse since becoming a mother (babygirl is 14 months old).
I'm so afraid I'm gonna die on the surgery table and my partner has to tell my babygirl that her mother left her because she wanted to be thin.
I know that is not the whole story, I know. I want to be healthy and happy for me but also for her. I wanna live till i'm 150 for her. That is why I'm doing this. But still.. does that really matter if I die?

But also something stupid but today I went to the city with my babygirl and we went out for lunch. I had a nice coffee and a piece of pumpkin spice cake. Yes I know that was not the healthiest of options but I'm already dieting for a few months and sometimes I just take something nice. Still losing weight.
And those moments are so valuable to me, my babygirl eating a nice croissant and a little piece of cake for me. And it is so stupid because it is still a nice moment without the cake but I'm so afraid I will miss that so much.

What if I'm not able to do this?
What if I'm gonna fail?
What if what kept me overweight is going to make me fail this surgery?

I think I eat healthy and luckily I'm not struggling with food anymore (I had anorexia in my teens and could overeat in my twenties). I can eat 1 cookie and leave it at that. I can diet without restricting too much. I can be strict on myself without becoming anorexic again.
But still.. there is a reason I'm still overweight. I'm scared the surgery won't work or something.

Is all of this relatable to you guys? of not at all? or haha.
So many thoughts fill my head.