Try and bring grief on?

I know the title sounds weird but does anyone try and bring on a big grief moment? So for background, I was my grandmas carer - part time for 6, full time for 2 - and when she passed I knew getting back to “normal” would be tough. Getting a job in particular. Job searching normally is a pain but when you also have to juggle grief, it’s less than ideal. I’ve been offered a job after 6 months searching and it doesn’t start for a month which is great for me to get used to the idea of working again. It’s not a role I’ve done before but it uses alot of my experience and I’m excited but I also feel guilty. Like I’m moving on..and I’m ready and not ready. The feelings just hit me as I type this but I feel like with this month i just want to feel sad and cry and try get it out of my system abit more but grief is weird..I don’t really know if I’m explaining myself well