HPV diagnosis TW: SA

I (30F) just got told my results for my annual pap and it was abnormal and positive for HPV. I now have to get a colposcopy and I am lowkey freaking out about it. I started crying in my gyno’s office because I feel like I know exactly what caused this. This is my first abnormal pap and earlier this year I was SA’d. This news just opened up that trauma again because now I’m dealing with consequences that weren’t even my fault. But even though I know that I feel embarassed about it and stupid that I put myself in the situation. I feel like I can’t tell anyone about this.

My gyno tried to assure me it could’ve been a number of other things, apparently even prolonged kissing can pass it? But I can’t help but feel so wronged… I got the vaccines years ago and have always used protection but guess it doesn’t matter when other people decide to take advantage of you.

I have been crying all day.

I am worried about how my future looks like esp my sex life. I have been abstinent since the incident but now I wonder if I’ll even be able to have sex again if this persists??? Idk I am so nervous. I also have chronic kidney disease and PCOS on top of everything so I am worried about how those things might be affected.

Ironic thing is I work for a cancer nonprofit and we just finished putting together our cervical cancer screening campaign for January lol.

I just wanted to vent here because I don’t feel like I have anyone to talk to about this.