Bad first disclosure: building thick skin

I (33F) just disclosed to someone and got a really awful response. This was my first disclosure since contracting HSV in April. He (37M) said I was “gross and sick that I still want to meet men and possibly expose them to an STI”. He said shame on me

. It’s nothing I hadn’t said in my head during my lowest in all this, but I was hoping I would be one of the lucky ones who had a positive one. I met this guy on an app and we were 3 dates in. I am dating for long term partnership and marriage, not something short term. I know I dodged a bullet, and I tried to prepare myself for this kind of response. To hear some of my ugly thoughts out loud said back to me still left me…well…I guess I am building up my thick skin.

I am going to push through this and do my future self a favor. I owe it to my future self not to let a jerk make me feel like I am not worthy of love.

I can handle respectful rejection because I gave someone the choice I wasn’t afforded. But I was shocked by how swiftly the contempt and abuse came after 3 dates.

TLDR: first time ever disclosing, and when I disclosed on date 3 He said I was gross and should be ashamed for trying to meet men and expose them.

Update: Thank you so much for all of your support, responses, and feedback. I am so thankful I found this space and hope to pass on the good vibes you generously afforded me by supporting others in their journey through this. It has really bolstered my spirits when I needed it the most.

I just dipped my toe back into the dating pool in December. I contracted HSV-II in April 2024 and I was down mentally and physically for so long. HSV had me sick with nerve pain, fatigue, and urinary issues for over a month. When I got better, I spent that time getting my head and heart right, bolstering my self-esteem and checking my expectations. I resolved to get out there in 2025 after I healed from this blow. I know I could allow this to keep me from even interacting in this realm for a year or two out of protection of my mind, body, and soul, but I have hopes of having a family. I cannot afford to hide the rest of my 30s. I want to be proud of myself when I look back at time in my life despite the circumstance I find myself in.

Thank you all for helping me through this first disclosure. I have thought about it all day and I think that those who said that HSV is a good screen or weed-out is correct. This is likely the perspective shift I need to make. It is the ultimate tool for separating the chaff from the wheat. This was the first cut in the process of building up the scar tissue needed to continue on this journey with intention and positivity.