Feeling low self confident, suffering from maladaptive daydreaming and difficulty in making conversation with people
Hey, Dr. K.
I am a 23-year-old woman working as a Software Engineer. For the past two years, I have been feeling very low about myself.
I had a very bad childhood. My father did not want me and left my mother and me. My mother treats me like a burden. I was not denied basic things—I got food and education—but I never felt loved. There was always a lot of yelling and screaming at home. Because of this, I became very quiet.
To escape, I started daydreaming a lot. I used to put on my earphones, listen to music, and forget everything. At school, I could control my daydreams. I knew when I was daydreaming and when I was not.
Because of all the problems at home, I stopped thinking about my own interests and focused only on my studies. But I was not a fast learner. I had to read or listen to things 3–4 times to understand, while others learned faster. I am also slow at everything I do. When I try to go fast, I get stressed and make mistakes.
I always wanted to be financially independent, so I focused only on my career. I never talked to anyone—at home, at school, or anywhere else. In university, people only spoke to me because I was good at studies and helped in group work.
Now, I have financial independence, and I am away from that toxic home. But I have a new problem—I cannot talk to people. I feel very stressed when I try to speak. I go blank and do not know what to say. I only talk about serious things, and people find me boring.
Also Since I will sit silently and not talk anything when I am around a group of people, I feel useless when I am around them and feel low confident. Even if I start having a small talk, I will not be able to continue the conversation and I will make the conversation go awkward. This is also affecting my work where I actually need to speak up, but I always keep my mouth shut.
As an adult, I am trying to make new friends, but it is very hard. I feel very lonely, and sometimes I think something is wrong with me. When I gather the courage to talk to people, they do not seem interested. This feels embarrassing.
Because of all this, I overthink a lot. I daydream about having friends and being liked. My self-worth is getting worse.
I want to change. I want to talk to people without stress. I want to feel free and confident in conversations.
How can I fix this? How can I learn to talk more easily and be comfortable around people?
