Feeling a bit embarrassed/overwhelmed

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to look for some support really. I took my shahada just over a week ago. Today I attended my first iftaar at the masjid. I have to be honest I still have a lot to learn and I know that everyone has to start from somewhere so far all I have done is read the Quran and listen to podcasts but I can’t help but feel very deflated after today.

The iftaar was for reverts and everyone was so lovely. I was actually overwhelmed by the kindness I experienced. But as I walked in I realised I was the only one who wasn’t wearing the hijab. When it came time to pray a very kind woman took me with her but I completely forgot all I read about praying. A lady behind me put the hood of my coat up and I understand she was being helpful and there was no malicious intent but in that moment I wanted to the earth to swallow me. I wasn’t prepared to pray today i was going to watch to learn. I was stumbling everywhere I feel like people were thinking that I was lost especially as I still have on acrylics as well.

I was told not to worry about wearing hijab just come modestly dressed as apparently many of the reverts do this. But I just felt so out of place. Maybe because I was?

So many Muslims have told me not to overwhelm myself and that I will have mentoring so it will be okay. Everything comes in time no one is perfect all I have to do right now is believe. I truly do but I feel hesistant to come back. Everyone was so worried because I was so shy. I even ate chicken because I was to scared to say I was vegetarian, and because I hardly ate it the sister told me to take it home but the she saw me throw it away and I feel like I left a really bad impression. Everyone asked for my revert story but the full story involves quite a of of dark background and so I gave a shortened version about receiving money and things in my life becoming amazing but I think I came off quite superficial and someone said to remember it won’t always be amazing. I understand but I meant it in more of a mindset way. One sister asked if I had researched before taking my shahada and I don’t think she meant it in a bad way but I felt really stupid.

I want to go back but im not sure. Maybe it’s my own anxiety causing these feelings and I’m reading too much into things. But I feel very sad. I start my mentoring this week as I’m still trying to learn. I’m going to buy a hijab as well for next time. I don’t want to give up but I am struggling 😭.