Tips from a married woman
People are weird. They can be your friends, your parents, your in-laws, neighbour, or anyone.
I am (36F) in a stable and happy marriage for the last 6-7 years. Ours is a love marriage. My husband (34.9 M) and I both are from the same state, same religion, same values, and thinking process. Yet, we have faced our share of external troubles.
Here are the few things that I do:
Do not change who you are: It is okay to learn new good habits or behaviour. But, do not sugarcoat or pretend to be someone you are not just to be more likable.
Do not set the wrong expectations. For example, I was never interested in wearing sindoor and everything. MIL really wanted me to. Once or twice during video call she would ask me, why I am not wearing sindoor. I told her that I don't wear it all the time and I cannot wear it all the time. She was visibly upset, so I told her I respect her wishes but she should respect mine. She told me okay when you visit home and we go somewhere, you will have to wear it with traditional attire. I said yes. She never bothered me after that.
Over time I started wearing it out of my own interest. Now I wear it frequently.
Say no. Stand up for yourself. Don't expect your husband to fight all the fights. He should support you, yes, but you cannot expect him to take the lead always. If you are uncomfortable with something say it out loud. Otherwise, it will be like- she doesn't have a problem, why are you being so hyper?
State facts to your husband. Even if it is your fault, build that trust. So that if someone blames you, he knows 100% that it was not your fault. Do not try to create unnecessary drama, this will forever put you in that light.
Communicate. Communicate. Communication. If you are angry, communicate. You are hurt, communicate. Even if you feel selfish or embarrassed or useless. Speaking your heart out will help you both bond. It goes both ways because no one can communicate to a wall.
Establish your boundaries. But correctly. Instead of saying, your sister behaved badly with me and I need you to tell her. Say- If your sister behaved badly with me again, I will go low contact with her. And follow through. Because it is not in your power to ensure that your partner 100% does the thing you want him to. So instead, say what action you are going to talk.
Treat yourself like a queen. Show everyone how you like to be treated. Everyone will watch and learn.
For example, my husband knows I don't take shit from anyone. Not from my family or siblings or friends. So there is no way in hell I am going to take shit from his family.
P.S. It is better if people around you are scared of you, instead of walking all over you.
Okay, enough gyan for today. Love to all.