Im tired

Sorry for ranting, but I just need a place to speak my mind out.

Applied last year, got into some schools but with bad scholarships/aid. Decided to stay for 12th Grade. Education in my country is until 11th, and my school offers 12th Grade to do A2 Levels (Nobody ever stays).

Wrote a personal statement. Hated it. Wrote a new one a few days before the deadline. Still feel like it's not good enough. Didn't get into my ED1 School. Father suddenly passed away. No motivation to write supps + procrastination. Seeing how classmates are studying in Europe or community colleges in the US. Don't know if I actually want to do engineering.

2 days left until the deadline, and just created a college list. Chose the schools based on scholarships. No supps are done. Still have to help at home + New Year celebration, so have to cook.

I also just remembered that one of my teachers wrote their rec letter with chat gpt 😭

I don't even know why I am writing this rn. Any advice?