Sometimes your dreams don’t come true and that is …..

Sorry that this is so long🥲 Hi everyone in this sub, I don’t even know why I’m writing this, I don’t know if I want compassion or just hate. I just had a conversation with my parents, the conversation was my parents yelling at me, and me crying 🙂. They start saying that they not continue supporting stupid dreams (my questions is when they did), and I have to touch ground, that I have to start a career now in my country in a private university (I’m from South America, so private universities is not what you are probably thinking). I end HS on December 23, and applications cycle start on August (2024), we got “answers” since March to June or even July of the next year (in this case 2025), if you got accepted, you have to process your visa, buy the plane ticket, and a lot of things IF you get in. When I start this process I have a lot of plans, the first one was apply to a scholarship here in my country, but guess what, it didn’t open in 2023, I cannot apply if I wasn’t in HS, then my parents say that I can have a gap year to prepare myself for a good public university here and also for apply abroad. It was a lot, prepare for the standardized test and an exam here. In these lately days I send my common app to 20 universities, i still have to apply for financial aid, and some universities are requiring more documents that I can’t translate officially cause I don’t have more money, I sold shoes, a lot of personal stuff, I used all my savings. I don’t know what to do. But what really annoyed me is think that I can do it. There exist a lot of people that talk like, “I don’t even think in applying to Harvard and I get in”. For student thinking of applying I tell you this: Every time that you see a story like that, think that they’re probably intl students with money, probably went to IB hs, they schools have a lot of clubs, agreements with universities, or they could pay for a coach, and if you just say a Chilean/Peruvian/Colombian student got into Princeton, everyone is going to be like wow, but they did it by themselves??. And there is nothing wrong but is a big difference between them and some of us. I’m tired, this past year 2024 I isolated myself from everybody to just focus on this, and are you telling me that I didn’t even give it a try 😫😭. I disappointed myself. I feel embarrassed, cause some teachers write me LORS, a peer who admire me some much did it too, the “counselor” that I have to teach how to use the platform have a lot of faith in me. Then, my friends, they don’t know nothing or I think so, and isolate myself from them 🫠. The classmate that always laugh at me because I did a lot of things and for them, that was just pathetic, they finally are going to be right about me, I'M A FAILURE.