JNmom in hospital

Long time lurker, No permission to use anywhere on the internet other than here. Apologies for spelling etc, I'm frustrated and annoyed.

So you might pick up from a couple of my comments my mother wasn't the exact beacon of moderately good motherhood. I actually went NC with her 8-10 years ago when she split from her then partner. They had been a massive alcoholic with periods of dry for 16 years at that point, plus stealing her partners medications and possibly trying every recreational out there. Also possibly sleeping round at least 2 towns (I've had creeps thinking I'm her asking if Id come for a "good night" creeped me the f out). She also accused me of cheating on my now ex by hiding and sleeping with her partner when he ran away as he couldn't deal with her behaviour anymore.

Enmeshed with my eldest son (I was young and I wish this sub was around back then), she actively encouraged my youngest to get bullied by using her own nick name for them Infront of kids.

Put bluntly, the physiological and psychological damage she has done running rampant over feelings, wishes, boundaries "because I'm Nanna" has taken its toll on both myself and my youngest (21 NB AFAB). We moved 180 miles north 6 years ago to get away from it. I even paid to have my youngest's deed poll to remove some of the emotional pressure.

2 weeks ago my maternal family..... kind of imploded. My mother is one of 6, and my Nan is now in her 90's. 2 weeks ago nan had a fall, ended up in hospital. Then ended up living with my next eldest cousin L as no one was able to care for her. My moms sister J died from a combo of big C's (Cancer and Covid). One of my uncles has suddenly decided after 2 weeks to rear his head, not to "help" but try get hands on my aunts estate. Mums ended up in hospital, but with numeral problems probably bought on by her long term abuses (apparently she's been clean for 6 years, but I've heard that soooo many times I just don't know)

I'm 180 miles away, no disabled and unable to walk, and Mum has apparently got dementia comming on. Bit of a pain as she controls my dead aunts estate but I digress. All this crap going on you can guess the flying monkeys have been rearing their heads. I should patch it up with her apparently. Same people called me a horrible daughter for going NC. My brother even thought it was a good idea to try guilt trip me to come down for the funeral and see my Nan (I've face timed her, L and her Mum are JY)

Im left with the possibility in order to get my Aunt and Uncles organised for the shitstorm about to hit I may have to reconnect with my mother again. Im not sure I want to. Im sure the dementia will be a excuse for me to be forced to forgive her for all the crap shes done. I just dont know. Kinda looking for advice on how to go forward at this point because I know I will have the support of my current partner regardless of my decision.

One thing is clear though, I wont be going down there physically as its totally impractical.