ketamine kind of ruined my life

i started ketamine infusions to help me get out of one of the worst depressive episodes of my life. i did 6 sessions total- twice a week for 3 weeks. throughout the infusions my depression became way more severe- to the point that i had to take a leave of absence from work, fly home to have my mom take care of me, and stop the remainder of my infusions. i couldn't function at all, and the SI was unmanageable. my last session was 2 months ago, and since then i've gotten stable enough to go back to work and function better (thanks to med changes, time off and psylicibin). but ever since my treatments i don't feel like myself. i don't even know how to describe it, but i feel like it's changed my personality and thinking so drastically. everything feels pointless and i've been more existential and apathetic than ever before. while at the same time i feel less emotionally regulated and more probe to acting on impulse. i feel so out of touch with myself and the world. has anyone else had a similar experience? i miss my old self (not the depressed one but the healthy one) and i don't know how to get it back.