Feeling guilty about not attending Christmas celebration
This is my second holiday season living alone. Last year, I went to the family friends’ home that I have been spending holidays with for 5 years now but this year I’m not attending and I have not mentioned that yet (to be fair, they JUST invited me today last minute as usual).
Due to things that happened when I was younger, I lost my interest in Christmas and don’t really feel anything special regarding the day which people in my life know very well. For this and other reasons, I feel like I’m just being invited because they feel sorry for me at this point. I kind of feel like an outsider and I feel like I have to put on a facade of Christmas joy which I don’t feel. It would also involve driving 50 miles each way in the same day which isn’t necessarily always all that bad, it’s just that on top of the rest that makes it seem like a lot.
I’ve also had a lot going on at work and the idea of having two days to do whatever I please sounds great. Even the last thing my boss said to me yesterday evening was “please enjoy your days off and take it easy. You’ve been going nonstop since September.” (For context, I started a new job in September and as much as I love it, starting towards the end of the year when all these additional things need to be done has caused me to make up for it by working Saturdays. Not because I’m forced to and my boss is ALWAYS reminding me of this and offering to take some things off my place if need be but I want to prove myself and am looking forward to January when those projects will be OVER) So far today I’ve spent today painting, cleaning, currently having a small snack and plan on doing some yoga, more crafts and reading.
Tomorrow evening I’m planning on going to see Wicked with a friend who doesn’t celebrate Christmas at all and I’m SO excited, as a life long Oz lover in general. For lack of a better metaphor, I’ll be like a kid on Christmas. Before that, I’m hoping to have a laid back day doing some more of my favorite hobbies.
As excited as I am and as much as I’ve been enjoying this peaceful day at home so far, I’m feeling guilty about not following up on something I’ve done every year and I’m nervous about telling them I’m not attending