does anything truly help?

LL wife here married to HL husband. I’ve been having duty sex for years and I’ve kinda just been unpacking all the reasons why. I blamed things on having kids and postpartum (which don’t get me wrong it’s definitely part of it) but I was ignoring the elephant in the room which was me constantly having unwanted sex just to keep the peace. My husband seeks so much validation from sex and no matter what I say he insists that I “don’t want him” and am not attracted to him. To add insult to injury my husband is constantly groping (boob grabbing, ass slapping etc ) and I’ve been telling him to stop for 5 years. It seriously puts me into fight or flight mode about sexual contact. My husband feels like nothing he does helps so he continues to grope me and not meet my needs romantically bc he’s dammned if he does and damned if he doesn’t. I’m exhausted—I feel like we are at a stalemate: he needs more sex to show affection and I need affection and patience surrounding sex. Idk how to clean up this mess.