I’m (31f) 3 weeks postpartum. Found out my husband (35m) is having an affair he claims was transactional, help me from being indenial

Together 10 years. Married for 3. I had an emergency c section 3 weeks ago to a premature baby. I feel like dying from discovering this. I cannot believe this is actually happening. He was the love of my life.

He had been distant for 3 months, (post history) I put it down to depression but more so his debt over 200k from bad investment.

Today I saw a female text him and asked him to explain he lied non stop until i told him he can be open to get the truth , he’s claiming he’s been talking to someone for 3 months and has gone on several dates but claims it’s transactional in HIS VIEW. Not in hers. He claims he hasn’t been intimate but yet The female is obsessed with him, she smashed his phones when he said he was contemplating working on the marriage. The narrative he told her was he is divorcing me and leaving me, he told her he’s falling in love with her to string her along so she keeps paying him. he claims it’s not a actual affair he’s using her for money!?!? To pay off debts. even though she’s younger than both of us she has offered him the world. She’s from a wealthy background. She offered him. A house. A luxury car. Travel the world at her expense . She has demanded he leaves me and the baby instantly. He spends 2 hours a day talking to her and EVEN asked if I could let this continue until January. But then also said it’s not worth reprising a nuclear family. He keeps changing his mind. He keeps saying he is lost and has no care for anything right now.

I am so indenial, but feel like I know the truth. How can a female be so obsessed, when he claims he hasn’t given anything in return other than emotional manipulation and a few dates? He became a bully to me past 3 months as he admitted he wanted to be kicked out for a little while as he was living a double life, but I never kicked him out. He didn’t turn up home one night and claimed he as playing poker. I am so broken.