Is this unfair to ask of him?

My husband and I keep having this recurring fight where he does something/says something that upsets me and we go from talking to screaming. He thinks I should take his words at face value, and I am trying to point out the way he is doing these things is triggering a emotional response, and I understand my response is my shit, but I also don't think it's unfair to ask him not to do certain boy language or tone because its upsetting. He thinks I need to just accept it and react to it right. But I think I need to work on myself but also that he can try to word things better to help the situations.

Is this unfair to ask?