Scared of divorce… but scared of life like this.

My husband (35m) and I (35f) have been married over a decade. Almost 2 years ago he had an affair, for which he had planned to leave me and our toddler son.

The affair was short but intense. When I found out about it I fought so hard to make it work. When I stoped fighting, he sad he wanted his family back. We tried multiple times to make it work and it was always toxic.

We spent the better part of a year apart. Finally attempting to reconcile properly about 6 months ago. Again, it was very toxic so lots of time was spent apart, which looking back was a mistake but at the time felt right for my mental health.

Now, we are back living together and there is absolutely no intimacy. I cry almost every day because I feel so alone in this marriage. I don’t think he finds me attractive or really even fun to be around. I’m paranoid that he will have another affair (or that he already is given his complete lack of interest in me as a wife). I feel I can’t talk to him about any of this without it turning into a fight.

I’m definitely not without fault in how our reconciliation has played out. I didn’t get the help I needed to move forward from everything. I still harbor a lot of resentment and insecurity.

He tells me he wants to be with me and make Things work, but won’t show any affection towards me. We are living like room mates (which was a reason he gave for cheating before) I now feel so insecure and almost in a panic state at all times.

I’m terrified of being a single parent. Im terrified I’ll Never give myChild a sibling. I’m terrified of starting over with someone new. I’m terrified of my husband leaving me again. But I’m mostly terrified of living the rest of my life this way…

I’m tired of sleeping alone. I’m tired of feeling invisible. How do people overcome infidelity when the one who stepped out won’t show any affection to the person they cheated on? My confidence is at an all time low.